BLACKBIRD TWEETIN IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT

THE BLACKEST OF ALL POSSIBLE RIPCORDS

BLACK RIPCORD'S HARRY POTTER REVIEW



I HEARD THAT MOVIE COST 70 BILLION

THEY PAID 1 BILLION DOLLARS
TO EVERY WIZARD THAT STARRED IN THE MOVIE
BUT THEY WERE MORE LIKE
MR. WIZARDS THAN GANDALFS
WHICH UPSETTED
MRS. HOGWARTZ
"SORRY, NO PULITZER PRIZE THIS
YEAR, YOU OLD WHITE BITCH,
YOU PAID TOO MUCH FOR
WHITE WIZZARDS"

I WAS LEAVIN THE BAR AFTER DRINKIN AN
ICE COLD YO JOE KOLA, AND I SAID TO
THIS GUY--
"HEY, YOU'RE A PRETTY GOOD MEXICAN AFTER ALL"
AND HE GOT MAD

WHAT IS WRONG WITH AMERICA

I AM (BLACK) RIPCORD
AND I SERVE MY COUNTRY
(SOMETIMES DISGUISED AS A WHITE CHICK)
AND WHAT DO I GET

A BACKWARDS M IS STILL AN M

NEXT TIME PAY LESS FOR YOUR WIZARDS
BLACK PEOPLE HAVE
BEEN THRIFTY ABOUT
WIZARDS FOR YEARS!


THIS IS BLACK RIPCORD
SIGNING THE FUCK OUT

GOD DAMN WHAT A BROTHER GOTTA DO TO GET A MESSAGE THROUGH TO THE RED WHITE AND BLUE

ARE YOU READY TO PARTY

WITH BLACK RIPCORD, SON???!


WHAT UP, THIS IS YOUR BOY RIPCORD
THEY CALL ME BLACK RIPCORD
REGARDLESS OF THE FACT THAT THERE
AIN'T NO WHITE RIPCORD,
NO WHITE RIPCORD I EVER HEARD OF

THERE'S SOME WHITE GUY NAMED
FREEFALL, AND THIS SGT. ALTITUDE GUY
BUT I AM THE ONLY GOD DAMN RIPCORD


SHIT GOD DAMN


ANYWAY, LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.
MY NAME IS RIPCORD, YOU CAN CALL ME BLACK RIPCORD.
(EVERYONE ELSE DOES)
AND WHEN I JUMP OUT OF A PLANE ON
A SEARCH AND DESTROY MISSION TO
RUIN COBRA'S LIFE, I GET TO THINKIN'

TOY COLLECTORS, MAN.
THE BEST WAY THEY CAN EXPLAIN THEIR
HOBBY TO WOMEN OR THEIR FRIENDS:
"Yeah, you know when you're really high? And you
and your friends take pictures of this little
Kermit toy that a girl gave to one of your buddies,
and it's doing offensive shit and you look
at the photos and everyone has a laugh?
Toy collecting is just like that, except for you're
sober, you're completely alone and it's
a variant Brazilian Corozo-Lazor-De-Aco
instead of a pop culture icon like Kermit."


THIS IS BLACK RIPCORD SIGNING OUT